Daddy Dildo

Using a fully featured vibrator, but still feeling empty inside? Big G not wrapping his strapping arms around you at night? You just want to belong with tactile meaning. Hypergamous Zombies Solutions has the answer!

Introducing the newly patented maybe, as not yet seen on TV, world’s first talking vibrator. Yes, it comes with all the deluxe features you know and love: the spinning ball bearings disk going both clockwise and counterclockwise, the scads of vibration modes, our Polyman Skin(TM) that feels like the real thing and is still dishwasher and microwave safe—but wait…there’s more!

Misogynist researchers uncorrupted by government funding have applied sexed evolution theory, not pretend unisex revolution theory, to give you ladies who deserve so much more what you really, really, really want: Belonging to a sexually tangible authority figure!

talkn_d
After extensive field testing with genuine genitalia and genuine courtship dialogs from thousands of encounters from hundreds of PUAs, we’ve come up with 100 preset blurbs played with algorithmic timing to the beats that will make your vagina and hamster tingle in unison for more! Here’s just a sample:

  • “Go make me a sandwich, but then eat it yourself, ya fat cow.”
  • “Take it all in like a bad girl because you’re not like other women who make good wives.”
  • “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times: No more than a pint of ice cream after midnight! I see that empty gallon container.”
  • “This miniskirt flipped over your waist is too damn slutty, which is why I love it, but don’t go out in it and expect me to wait up for you again. I can shut this ride down automatically, girlfriend.”
  • “Does your mother have a raunchy mouth like yours? I can only tell you her vagina is about the same. You really should have washed me first, or try hiding me someplace less obvious.”

But that’s still not all. Download your favorite stud personality with nominal additional purchase:

  • There’s the Submissive #1: “Yes, master! Put your stiletto heel on my fake testis. You don’t even need to restrain me first.”
  • Try the Bad Boy #3: “Yes, your sister is waaay hotter than you. I can’t fit in her vagina, but I’d sure like to try.”
  • Don’t forget the Mangina #2: “You worked hard today, weeding out those negative feelings from the office culture. Let me give you a massage until the batteries die, and no one doubts how much you love the planet.”

All this can be yours for just three easy payments of the corrupted flesh and spirit of real men by redistributive government force, you instinctively lying hypergamous zombie, you.

—‘Reality’ Doug, 14 January 2013

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About ‘Reality’ Doug

I'm feed up with herd people, so civil and uncivilized, these feckless barbarians with manicures. Where is Galt's Gulch? and where are the people to go there? Who am I? Who is John Galt?
This entry was posted in Humor, Political Opinion, PUA Game and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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