Sexual Tensions Tighten with North Korea

Dateline: Pyongyang, North Korea…

North Korean porn star Kim Jong-junk says a nuclear explosion of love is imminent somewhere on the continental United States. He promises post-wall women—that is women whose sexual market value has crashed in their early thirties due to natural aging—will have their stock values flying high again at supersonic carousel speed. When asked why his generous intervention in degenerate American society would only help women no older than 45, he replied, “I’m God’s gift to women, but I can’t raise the fully dead either unless it’s one on one and her bones are jumping fresh.”

Dateline: Washington, D.C.…

Nancy Pelosi—who turned 73 years young this past March 26th—in response to reporters’ inquiries about the cantankerous porn star said, “It’s a shame men won’t do more for women. Men don’t hold doors or relinquish more good-paying jobs for women. Sure, I have elite health care complete with the best alternative Asian porn star medicine, but Republicans are cockblocking us from bringing in more hot men for all women. We are a nation of immigrants. Only Saskquatch is native. Oh my God, did I give that away. Quickly…you guys…fix these people and blame it on the Kung flu or something. Which reminds me, I’ve got a date with a tall, hairy guy with very big feet. I don’t want to risk looking 30 or missing a thrill. Thank you, thigh master.”

Dennis Rodman did not return our calls across the lounge of a strip club, but a spokesperson thug for the superstar ambassador told us that Dennis thinks Nancy Pelosi be one hell of a woman just like Madonna, that Dennis enjoy helping out CIA for the sake of national security of bankster profits, and that all proceeds from his diplomatic basketball games will go to his Tattoos for Ink-Neglected Childrenz charity.

Dateline: Chicago, Illinois…

Oprah Winfrey has promised unlimited funding to the program with the stipulation that the money only be used for tattoos on or just above the mons pubis prominently featuring the phrase “Rape Is Rape” or it’s equivalent in another language, but use of Esperanto will earn a virgin female beneficiary a second free tattoo without guideline restrictions. Certified transsexuals are deemed fully female for the program. Photographic proof of scoring a male gender-reassignment surgeon oblivious to the reassignment will be accepted in lieu of documentation from the gender-reassignment surgeon who actually performed the surgery.

Horsecrap and nonsense contributed to this article.

—‘Reality’ Doug, 06 April 2013

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About ‘Reality’ Doug

I'm feed up with herd people, so civil and uncivilized, these feckless barbarians with manicures. Where is Galt's Gulch? and where are the people to go there? Who am I? Who is John Galt?
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