This is my lexicon of terminology used by liberated woman to communicate to prospective male suckers irrational expectations and feeeeelings. This wordpress page, originally published 9 December 2012 as a regular wordpress post, is subject to modification to develop and perfect the content to my liking. Suggestions on lexicon changes may be made in the comment section below. I hope this dictionary will be useful to let other frustrated Western men know they are not alone, give us a laugh, and perhaps advance culture in the forward direction for a change. How absurd must orthodoxy become before a man will trust himself? Enjoy, and cherchez la femme.
—‘Reality’ Doug, 12 December 2012
Woman-to-Man Pedestaled Courtship Lexicon (W2MPCL)
All Men, Prove Not the Same – Prove my idiocy is correct, please.
Booty Calls, I Can Get That at the Bar – My sex is prohibitively expensive unless you meet me at the bar when I break down to get my needs met once or twice a year because I’m a hamster fed on media corn.
Booty Calls, Not Looking For – Been there; done that; finds me too easily.
Decent Guy, I Just Want – I lowered my standards and now you need only have one of the following: an Olympic gold medal, a private jet, fame, political connections.
Drama, No – I have a pet hamster one million years old, so do things my precultural way proven by the test of time.
Entertain Me – My last boyfriend was my dancing monkey, but my vibrator was more fun, so give me the three-ring circus if you want the haggard leftovers of this ride, and also be like totally hilarious, literally.
Friends First and Take It Slow – I can think this through for myself, mister, and if I delay my vaggy verdicts, I’ll pick good this time.
Games, Tired of – I’m tired of loosing my instinctual mind games of pack maneuvering that only a patriarchy could break me from living.
Games, We Are Too Old for – I am too old and used up for games with the fun players anymore, and now I want you nice lame guys around my age to step up and redeem my used and expired ass at full price since I will take you and blame you at this point in my life, honey, so do my honey-do chores for me but never truly fulfill me ’cause I feel like I’m twenty—yes, that mature where it works against you, lmfho.
Independent – Cashing in on unnatural political preference.
Just <a ‘Y’>, Just <Looking for ‘Z’> – Group-indentifying livestock here expecting her cookie-cutter needs to be met.
*Just Looking – I am NOT hopelessly depreciated if I pretend I’m not trying to land the man I’m entitled to
Just Sex, I Want More Than – I will not recognized the fair market value of my squandered civilized utility because Daddy Gubbermint promises that my money, career, and experience make me highly desirable; because the wreckage of masculinity necessary for my liberated success lays conveniently bare only real men to be my The One; because all the younger, hotter, childless, and more supportive women are in line behind me, the All-World Princess; and because gubbermint guns will make able men man up and be better off—jeez, guys, come get you some.
Keep It Real – Indulge me; you’re the bitch, mister.
Keep Walking – I owe you nothing for suffering my faux independence.
Liars, Sick of – I crush honest men with my sociopolitical power, and I’m sick of no one left but men pretending to be honest because I can’t honestly use them and truly express my feeeeeelings.
Love Me for Me – Love me in unassailable absolute terms for the relative position I deserve from someone who takes care of everything while I take the credit.
Making a Difference – Feathering my nest at the expense of our tree; so yah, I’m making a difference all right, but why doesn’t the Department of Nesting fix this shaking when it’s windy?
Must Make Me Laugh – I’m secretly depressed; fix it.
My Job, I Love – I produce feelings at work better than any man ever could.
My Life Is Perfect, Just Need Someone To Share It With – My logic is inscrutable, so obey.
My World, My Kids Are – Taking applications for my personal slave ’cause raising kids as a single mom is hard even with unearned privileges.
New People, Love To Meet – Entertain me until the novelty wears off.
One, Looking for The – I deserve the alpha of all of humanity because we are all one collective and I’m your special princess, but not for you personally, just alpha.
Players, Go Away – The fathers of my children are all players, but all you men will do the right thing this time so my primitive hypergamous instinct selects a man correctly because I’m in charge of my life and I can’t help myself.
Real Men, Where Are the? – I fought hard to fashion rank-and-file society into my pedestal, making me a real woman, so why can’t I find a man of flesh and blood as good as Daddy State?
Relationship, I Want a – Whaaa, I got OLD, but prove me wrong and be my supportive, mesmerized sucker.
Settle for Less, I Won’t – Sloppy fifteenths now selling at triple the virginal rate for a healthy patriarchal market.
Single Mom With Full-Time Job and Going to School – Devout slave, unavailable and here to tease your heart and penis to pretend I have a life.
Someone Who Knows What He Wants – Someone dumb enough to want me on my impossible terms as much as I do.
Strong – Determined to keep leveraging political preference, the consequences be damned.
Strong Enough To Be My Man – Wanted: One superhuman bondsman to not break under maximum load of this she-child’s desires.
Surprise Me – Have unusually great wealth and lavish it and your time on me.
True Love – Duty and service will not be motivators of my partnership with you, that’s work.
Whore, I’m Not a – I was a whore to birth three kids by two fathers by age 22, but I’ve learned from my mistakes and you can too, for the rest of our lives together.
* – Recent modification.
Lexicon last updated: 17 August 2013.