For the first time since Jamestown there will be two White cornerbacks facing off in a Soup Bowl. Suzie Mouthpiece from PNN said, “Ever since Ron Shelton’s movie White Men Can’t Jump, the idea that White men can’t jump has been institutionalized. That discrimination has snowballed into White people can’t run.”. That movie was released in 1992. The hopes and potential of millions of White boys has been destroyed, but there is hope for sport equity, diversity, and inclusion for the White boys of the future.
L’Jarius Weed will not start for the Chefs to allow Plain Anderson to break the Color Barrier (CB). White is all the colors, whereas Black is the absence of all color. Weed was listed as questionable for the big game because he is a lot darker than Trent McDoes, who is darker still than the Chef’s dynamic quarterback, Afrotrim Mahogany.
“White is right in this fixed market,” said Chef’s owner Clark Bar Hunter. “The discrimination against People of Color is a handicap that Plain Anderson has had to overcome. What value! We went for a lighter shade at quarterback and got such dynamic play we decided to lighten up in the secondary too. People said we were crazy, that ‘pale can’t sail’, but that’s just a narrative platitude that does not translate on the field of reality if People of Color and No Color are on egalitarian footing and shoe ware.”
Nike had no comment, but their 666 shoes have been practicing voodoo on the West. The Chinese communists invested in a pair, but said they need a manual in Chinese to unlock their pair’s fly-with-me potential. The truth is the Chinese are all tiny people and the very large shoes were available because Nike overestimated the number of Western Satanists with feet that big. The Chinese bought a sock factory in the United States and another in Germany. “We think sock adapter technology is the key to Chinese hegemony in the air and space,” said China’s director of Western technology acquisition, Sid “Knees” Rittenberg.
“The nightshade pocket passer is a thing of the past,” said COVID pandemic enthusiast and sports guru Baulin Cowherder. “Jimmy the Greek hurt sports fairness, but the arc of history falls like waters into the pool of propriety, which is the pot of social gold at the end of the rainbow that is this mortal coil if queers are embraced for who they are. I got that trope from my boy King, yo.” Rumor has it that King got his best tropes from Stanley David Lovemesome et al., but No Color America takes umbrage along with unprotected Target loot at the allegation.
On the other side of the field will be the Yardbirds, who picked up Pee-wee Herman off waivers. “It was a sticky situation,” said Yardbirds GM Rose Howmann, “ever since that movie theatre incident. We think that Pee-wee can hang like a real baller, and he passed the physical. None of his pubs are gray. We think he’ll perform this Sunday.”
The Yardbirds got their white starter at cornerback just in time. No one of Color on the Yardbirds roster was fast enough to move to the starting cornerback position. When Jumps Bradburner protested the personnel move coach Slick Nearananny told him to ‘lighten up’. Bradburner responded, “I can’t.” “That’s why you’re not starting, Bradburner,” snapped Nearananny. “You can’t play fast enough if you don’t self-identify with lightness.”
The B’nai-ADLU filed a class action suit against Nearananny’s children and grandchildren, in fact everyone’s posterity, and the pretend debt ceiling was raised just in time to hurt only the peasants. “We demand that ableist White boys know their place before reaching adulthood!”, said B’nA spokesthing Shakes McGeewiz. “It really toasts my tiara, and not in a good way. I have sexual needs. I’m human, just better.” When asked what its sexual needs were, McGeewiz said, “Do I orgasm?” and thumbed through an old catalogue of children’s clothing.
The symbolic display of White ableism is planned for Sunday, the 12th of February, 2023. Security for the event will be heightened. White Lives Don’t Matter (WLDM) have vowed to employ the guy who injured ice skater Nancy Appearsagain, Shane Insub Stantel.
Many people of All the Colors have decided to not tell WLDM that Stantel is not a capable ‘fixer’ so that they don’t find someone better. Other people of Full Color have suggested that Joe Bite Me’s dog would make a good hit critter, but Major will be hard to find in time. The president enrolled Major into the U.S. Bitness Protection Program. For all we know he could be living with friends of the Bite Me family under the sneaky name Minor.
Whether nor not a White person can make an interception in a Soup Bowl on a ball not thrown by a Pure White quarterback has not been determined by narrative consensus, but it seems likely that it will happen in front of everyone on Sunday. Donald Lump’s ego was shot down off the coast of South Carolina yesterday, and pale rednecks are mourning the loss. Sources from the White House, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said a person of Full Color will definitely have a pick six on a not Full Color QB. Otherwise, the Don would have to be selected president in 2024 for the sake of Cuckservative faith in the medical system.
“A pick six on Full Color History Month would be enough Great White hope,” said a source, and added, “Voting machines will predominantly be white for the 2024 election. We think we can polarize the country 50/50 on the narrative issue of the color of voting machines to great effect. Next issue if all goes well, the White House, baby.”
—‘Reality’ Doug, 07 February 2023
‘Reality’ Doug 